Elect to Love

“It’s really a wonder I haven’t dropped all of my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out.  Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”  ~ ~ Anne Frank

Like so many others, I woke up this morning enveloped with despair.  How could this be?  What didn’t we do?  What does this say about us?  Something that seemed so certain slipped out of our fingers as surely as if we were trying to clutch at vapor.  And then, along the way, there have been moments of such sweet serendipity that I have been moved to tears in their preciousness.

One of my first acts of the day was posting something to Facebook.  It was my attempt to set the tone for how I would respond to our new reality.  I wanted to convey a peaceful resolve.  A family member from the other side of the political spectrum commented in appreciation for my stance.  We sent a few kindhearted messages back and forth.  I asked for his help; after all, his party won, and those in my tribe need folks like him more than ever now to hold our new leader to the highest standard.  He assured me he would do so.  And then he wrote, “Deb, I lock arms with you.”

At first, I admit, I felt the internal confusion that comes from seemingly mixed messages. I wanted to say, “How can you cast your support in the direction of one who promises to restrict and remove my freedoms and then say that you lock arms with me?”

And immediately a new thought fell in line behind that one.  I realized that I had a choice.  I could chew on the mixed message or I could savor the sentiment of unity.   I could focus on the confusion or I could focus on the connection.

In every moment, we are called to be better people.  We are called to love each other with a spiritual fire.  We are called to shine a light on the best in each other; and we are called to remind each other that everything else is not the truth of us.  We are called to inspire and uplift and encourage.

But also in every moment we are given another option.  We can dive into the depths of suspicion and discontent.  In every single opportunity we have to shine, we can decide on the darkness.

We have to choose.

I gathered my students in a circle this morning and talked to them openly and honestly about this election, about the fear a lot of people have, and about the personal impact it has on me as a lesbian.  I told them that nothing about this election can take away our freedom to decide each morning just how we want to show up in our world.  I told them that love is still stronger than fear.  I told them that love comes a lot easier when your side wins, but the love that you have to reach into the depths of your soul for and muster in the face of defeat is the one that is actually, bygod, love.  And I told them that no matter how they feel today, whether joyous or forlorn, we’re all still going to make it through.

In other words, I told them that I lock arms with them.  And we all felt a little better, a little safer, and a little more assured that everything would be okay.

The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me

This is day Seven in the Seven Solid Days of Smiling Salute To the Original Unsplit Atom for bursting forth into the Big Bang of Bounty that is this life.

Day 1 – Emily

Day 2 – Music

Day 3 – Magic

Day 4 – Cheese

Day 5 – Sleep

Day 6 – Nature

Whew!  I made it.  Seven full days of gratitude.  And it didn’t hurt at all.

This list could only end in this way — In this life, I could have no deeper gratitude than that I have for my sweet partner, Susie.  She makes all things better.

I could list for you the innumerable talents she has (all you would have to do is walk by the kitchen for the last few days to get an idea about some of her amazing abilities), but that wouldn’t come close to describing what she is to me.

She is the heart of our home, the nurturer to our children (both human and canine), and the vice-president of git ‘er done.  She is the most constant part of my life.  There is a moment when a partner, especially one that your society won’t allow you to marry, becomes family — that never-going-away, gonna-be-there-always, you’re-stuck-with-me-for-the-long-haul, no-deal-breakers kind of family.  I can’t say for sure when that moment is; all I can say is that we’ve had it.   It’s a subtle, quiet rite of passage that you can only see once you’re beyond it.   And then, the love of your life becomes your life.

She makes every day Thanksgiving for me.  One of the biggest reasons why I can live a life of gratitude is because she’s in it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.  May your blessings be too many to count.

Oh, The Weather Outside is Grateful

It’s Gratitude Week here at the Until Zen World Headquarters.   Yepper, for the next solid 1/52nd of the year this is a cynical-smartass-free zone.   Just seven solid days of smiling salute to the Original Unsplit Atom for bursting forth with the Big Bang of Bounty that is this life.  Keep your hands on the bar as we zip through the roller coaster world of whatever pops into my head for a super-sized shout-out.  Might be a person, place or thing, or D) none of the above.

And so we begin.

My niece, Emily Elizabeth Beer, freakin’ rocks.   Brilliant (grad student in sociology), talented (piano playin’ perfectionista), nurturing (cooks for her friends), and adorable (biggest brown eyes you ever saw).

But, that’s just the resume.  This is why she rocks my world:

She’s the only person with whom I have a truly adult relationship and whose diaper I changed.  (I think maybe once.  And then I probably did a sucky job and her mother had to come along and redo it.)  When I look into her eyes, I see all the eyes of all the ages she has ever been.

We think alike.  We don’t have to try to understand each other.  We just do.  I think perhaps my sister was a surrogate mother.

When I check my inbox and see an e-mail from her, I get excited.  Every time.  Without fail.

She agreed to a “blog-off” WHILE working on her thesis.  And I think she did it just because I’m her aunt and she loves me and she didn’t want to turn me down.  And I love that about her.  (You’re off the hook, Em.)

When we see each other, usually just at Christmas, she smiles.  I mean, she really smiles.  Not an I’m-smiling-so-you-think-I’m-happy-to-see-you smile, but a YIPPEE-LOVE-YOU-Gotta-run-to-hug-you smile.

I wish we had more time together.   I wish we lived in the same city where we saw each other all the time to the point where we took it for granted, not because we didn’t care, but because we just knew the other one was always around the corner. 

Emily, you’re one of the people I love most in this world, and I am so . . . so grateful for you.