On Dining at Evelyn’s

~ Deb ~ Leave a comment

My wife has soundcheck so
I sit in a restaurant above
my paygrade and
remember the fancy days.

I sip a seventeen dollar old fashioned
and wait for my pricy
pork shoulder, (milk-braised),
collard greens, pork au jus,
cornbread crumble
and pray it quiets the
hunger pangs hour six
post-cheeseburger.

I’ve known luxury in random moments.
Veuve Cliquot at Top of the Tower in ‘83.
Irish coffees at that lodge in Aspen.
Lockeland Table on a random Tuesday
to prove I could do Lockeland Table
on a random Tuesday
and not a birthday
or anniversary
or promotion.

My mother married up when I was sixteen,
and we learned that what we
thought was fancy
wasn’t
and what we didn’t even know
to reach for in days past
became the new bar.

And I learned how to act in fancy places.
I learned how to order
wine and what is actually done
with the cork.

Mmmm the pork shoulder is tender
and the greens — poor food made
fancy — who knew they needed
cornbread crumble, basically
cornbread croutons on a cooked
salad I would have passed on before
I knew it was fancy.

I can afford the fancy more
now than ever,
but what used to be ooo-la-la
is now just la-la and
what used to be craving
is now just appreciation.

Capitalism is funny that way.
We strive for something we’re
told we want, something we’re
led to believe is the point of
this life — having money to
publicly consume in a booth
with throw pillows behind a
suspiciously large fiddle-leaf
fig in an over-priced downtown
hotel restaurant.

The pork will be remembered,
but the next day I’ll have a
cheeseburger.
Fancy is fine, but
everyday is lovely
and comforting and
preferred in the long
run.

If I had to choose one,
I’ll take the socialism.

I Love

~ Deb ~ 2 Comments 
I’m never worried that the
squirrels will eat my
birdseed. 
Maybe it’s squirrel seed. 
Why would I use the gas and 
spend the money to
haul home feed for
one species while wishing to 
shoo away another? 

I love nature, not just birds. 

I’ve never worried that the
ants will find the 
hummingbird cocktail.
It’s sugar — what’s not to love?
Why would I fill the glass bulb and
screw on the base and
hang it upside down for
the bumblebirds and not let
the workers have a donut? 

I love life, not just the pretty kind. 

I’ve never worried that other
people will benefit from the 
rights I fight for. 
We’re all in this time together. 
Why would I carry a sign and
march down the street chanting
words of resistance and equality
and not want every body to
experience justice? 

I love freedom, not just mine.

Conversion Blues

~ Deb ~ 1 Comment

In the almost 40+ years I’ve been deconstructing my inherited faith and discovering a lived and meaningful spirituality, I’ve known a shit-ton of people.  Each of those people brought a unique perspective from a unique place on a unique path. One of my core beliefs is that all paths lead up the mountain. I deeply value the insight others bring, and I only ask the same respect in return for my own path.  

Overwhelmingly, the people I’ve met along the way have been those who, much like me, walked away from a rigid, one-pointed belief where they were taught to accept a particular ideology completely and put all others into a pile labeled “evil.”  Not “unimportant,” or “useless,” or even “rejected.”  “Evil.”  The evangelicalism of my youth taught me that if I was not 100% pro-Jesus as they understood him, then I was worse than neutral; I was on Satan’s payroll and guided by demons.  

It takes a lot to shake that.  So those of us who do and then find each other are often immensely grateful to have encountered kindred spirits.  And because the deconstruction has included an opening of the heart and mind to the beauty in so many spiritual paths, this group is usually quite diverse.  While often eschewing specific labels, most of my spiritual tribe tends to be those who take inspiration and comfort in Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, Paganism, Sikhism, Wicca, and whatever other path one might add to the mix.     

But here’s where it gets weird.  A couple of times, rarely and randomly, someone will come into my circle, usually a younger person, who displays great open-mindedness and a natural bent toward the esoteric and mystical.  About the time I’m thinking, “oh, how wonderful it would be to have been that free so young,” they post something to social media announcing their conversion to Christianity.  And then it builds. They post more and more. Eventually, they share pictures of the mega-church they now belong to.  Instead of the latest Tik-Tok dance, they’re now posting Bible verses.  

Now that, in and of itself, is wonderful.  All paths lead up the mountain, and if this is their path, then I’m so happy they’ve found it. The rub comes, though, when they’ve bought in so completely that their posts begin condemning all other paths.  New Christian converts seem to pass into the “I’ve got to save everyone from hell” phase quite quickly. 

They’ve moved from joy to condemnation without skipping a beat, which makes an awkward dance-move.  

In full disclosure, I’ve seen this happen twice in 40+ years, so we’re not talking about a tsunami here.  I often find that people who open their minds rarely close them again.  And for fear I am misunderstood, let me emphasize that the closing of the mind is not in converting to Christianity; it’s in the off-putting and judgmental sense of spiritual superiority that sometimes accompanies it. 

I’m curious about their path.  I wonder if this will stick or a more expansive appreciation will return for them.  I wonder what the twists and turns will do to them in the dark nights of the soul they are undoubtedly yet to experience — not because they’re Christian but because they’re babies.  I wonder if they will ever again have a moment of darkness in which they see light coming from a Rumi poem or a Buddhist idea or a new moon.  I wonder if they’ll leave room for the mystic Yeshua, the Jesus of the Gnostics.  

So many places they will go.  So many miles down the path that is theirs to trod.  

I don’t judge their path.  I wish them well on it.  I wish them eyes that see and ears that hear.  I wish them peace and freedom.  I wish them an experience of the Sacred that renders them speechless and transformed.  I wish them enlightenment, nirvana, moksha, even if they only ever call it sanctification.  

Mostly, I pray they will see the Jesus they love as a champion for compassion rather than a measuring stick for judgment.  

A Rosebush is a Weed

~ Deb ~ Leave a comment

A rosebush is a weed
If it grows where there is no need
for roses.

I once saw a British garden show
where the host named plants that need to go
and mentioned rhododendron.

As if the mother of the flowers
born in Appalachian showers
was innately troublesome.

I rid my plot of chamomile
because I don’t grow chamomile,
though I drink it as a tea.

I buy it at the grocery store,
a blend of chamomile and more,
but pull it like a weed.

There’s little to no evidence
advocating the existence
of dandelion in a yard.

But some find it copacetic,
Claim the leaves are diuretic
And toss them with some chard

I pulled a knee-high mimosa
from amidst my prize azaleas,
stars of my floral show.

It would have been a fine tree,
but killed the vibe most certainly,
and so it had to go.

Where there is no need for roses,
Even roses are a weed.
Don’t just bloom where you are planted.
Plant yourself where there’s a need.