I feel a little sorry for people who never had
to come out,
who never needed to hold
a central fact of their very being as
a blood-oath between their future
and their past,
who never got to
learn the myriad twitchy codes that
taught one to discern who among them
was safe.
Those who never had the chance
to navigate the waters where family
got smaller,
and thus,
never entered the land with just one
law — you get to build your own.
Even as I write this, I hear
the plaintive wails of straight women,
“Oh, I know the codes, sugar” and cishet
men, “I got kicked out of the house at
18; all I know is a chosen family.”
And so I ask to them and you alike:
Have you come out?
Thrown off the mantle of the mask and
announced your authenticity to some you
fear you’ll lose?
Have you
put everything on the line in exchange for
answering the plea of your heart to live
honestly? To show up
openly? To be free?
I hope so that for you,
whoever you are stumbling
on these lines.
I hope so, that, for you.
For I feel sorry for the people
who never get to come out.
Tag: Spirituality
Conversion Blues
In the almost 40+ years I’ve been deconstructing my inherited faith and discovering a lived and meaningful spirituality, I’ve known a shit-ton of people. Each of those people brought a unique perspective from a unique place on a unique path. One of my core beliefs is that all paths lead up the mountain. I deeply value the insight others bring, and I only ask the same respect in return for my own path.
Overwhelmingly, the people I’ve met along the way have been those who, much like me, walked away from a rigid, one-pointed belief where they were taught to accept a particular ideology completely and put all others into a pile labeled “evil.” Not “unimportant,” or “useless,” or even “rejected.” “Evil.” The evangelicalism of my youth taught me that if I was not 100% pro-Jesus as they understood him, then I was worse than neutral; I was on Satan’s payroll and guided by demons.
It takes a lot to shake that. So those of us who do and then find each other are often immensely grateful to have encountered kindred spirits. And because the deconstruction has included an opening of the heart and mind to the beauty in so many spiritual paths, this group is usually quite diverse. While often eschewing specific labels, most of my spiritual tribe tends to be those who take inspiration and comfort in Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, Paganism, Sikhism, Wicca, and whatever other path one might add to the mix.
But here’s where it gets weird. A couple of times, rarely and randomly, someone will come into my circle, usually a younger person, who displays great open-mindedness and a natural bent toward the esoteric and mystical. About the time I’m thinking, “oh, how wonderful it would be to have been that free so young,” they post something to social media announcing their conversion to Christianity. And then it builds. They post more and more. Eventually, they share pictures of the mega-church they now belong to. Instead of the latest Tik-Tok dance, they’re now posting Bible verses.
Now that, in and of itself, is wonderful. All paths lead up the mountain, and if this is their path, then I’m so happy they’ve found it. The rub comes, though, when they’ve bought in so completely that their posts begin condemning all other paths. New Christian converts seem to pass into the “I’ve got to save everyone from hell” phase quite quickly.
They’ve moved from joy to condemnation without skipping a beat, which makes an awkward dance-move.
In full disclosure, I’ve seen this happen twice in 40+ years, so we’re not talking about a tsunami here. I often find that people who open their minds rarely close them again. And for fear I am misunderstood, let me emphasize that the closing of the mind is not in converting to Christianity; it’s in the off-putting and judgmental sense of spiritual superiority that sometimes accompanies it.
I’m curious about their path. I wonder if this will stick or a more expansive appreciation will return for them. I wonder what the twists and turns will do to them in the dark nights of the soul they are undoubtedly yet to experience — not because they’re Christian but because they’re babies. I wonder if they will ever again have a moment of darkness in which they see light coming from a Rumi poem or a Buddhist idea or a new moon. I wonder if they’ll leave room for the mystic Yeshua, the Jesus of the Gnostics.
So many places they will go. So many miles down the path that is theirs to trod.
I don’t judge their path. I wish them well on it. I wish them eyes that see and ears that hear. I wish them peace and freedom. I wish them an experience of the Sacred that renders them speechless and transformed. I wish them enlightenment, nirvana, moksha, even if they only ever call it sanctification.
Mostly, I pray they will see the Jesus they love as a champion for compassion rather than a measuring stick for judgment.
Oh, To Have Been ‘Round the Moon
How jealous we all were of the crew of Artemis II. To leave this third rock for even an abbreviated fortnight, to see the world without borders, to be pleasantly news-less.
We think we live in unprecedented times. On one hand, we do, and on the other, these times are grossly precedented. We still fight over religion and land and power and politics, like the ancient Sumerians and Egyptians did. Like the Britons and Vikings did. Like the Muslims and Christians did. Oops . . . do.
The only path to peace I know in the midst of it all is to regularly and meaningfully transcend. Exit the gravitational pull. Step away. The Buddhist Heart Sutra gave us the perfectly concise mantra Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha. The meaning is simple: Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone completely beyond. Oh, what an enlightenment.
The most consistent question I receive as an interfaith minister is the question of how we live in this world, how we juggle politics and family, how we maintain bliss in the face of chaos. SHOULD we maintain bliss in the face of chaos. Honestly, I don’t have one go-to answer. I often respond based on how the day feels, what has been shown to me, and/or how the inquiry is couched. I do think we have to be artful with this question — what works one day may not be the next day’s answer.
I do know, however, that the way to be ready for what each day holds is to remember who we are, go into the silence, enter the inner spaciousness where Divine Presence lives in us as us. Succumb to the stillness. Sit still and listen with ears of the heart.
The German poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, wrote a poem that serves as a good reminder of what is real in the beyond. Here it is translated into English by Stephen Mitchell:
BUDDHA IN GLORY
Center of all centers, core of cores,
almond self-enclosed, and growing sweet—
all this universe, to the furthest stars
all beyond them, is your flesh, your fruit.
Now you feel how nothing clings to you;
your vast shell reaches into endless space,
and there the rich, thick fluids rise and flow.
Illuminated in your infinite peace,
a billion stars go spinning through the night,
blazing high above your head.
But in you is the presence that
will be, when all the stars are dead.
Love’s Labors
I love the spring visit to the garden center. Marigolds, knock-out roses, and ten bags of mulch in the bed of the truck. Plus birdseed, potting soil, a Japanese pencil holly. Labors of love feed, create, cultivate. Like a friend listening without judgment, a teacher explaining one more time, a meal cooked for others, a song written to remind us again of love. Did I? I dig a hole and let the thought leaf out. Did I love enough? How many times I missed a chance to forgive or ignore a slight or let go. But in my heart’s drought, did I sometimes water pain with compassion? Did I seed the world with life? Do I? I set the holly into the hole, straighten it, fill in around the sides of the root ball with soil I soften to crumbles in my fingers. “I hope you’re happy here,” I say. “I hope I’ve picked a good spot and dug a good hole. I hope you get everything you need to thrive." Then I rise from my knees, slower than in years past, but so much more certain of love and what it can grow.



