IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ALL FACEBOOK FRIENDS, ACQUAINTANCES, AND THAT ONE PERSON I SUPPOSEDLY WENT TO COLLEGE WITH WHO I SWEAR TO GOD I’VE NEVER MET:
I will not repost your status update for an hour. In fact, I have never posted a status update and then set an alarm so I could change it after a specific time. I’m so very sorry if you or someone you love has an illness or if you are deeply concerned about the plight of dolphins or if you believe that Caylee Anthony should have a law named after her. I will not respond to peer pressure regarding what I should or should not care about.
If you want to cure cancer or stop global warming or end child abuse, then three cheers for you. I would love to see all of those things happen as well. Feel free to express your concern for these issues in any way you like. Just don’t throw down a Facebook gauntlet. I will not take your online litmus test of compassion. If you post something interesting and I am compelled to do so, I will share it. But, I will almost CERTAINLY not do so if you ask me to, and there is NO DOUBT that I will not do so if you “dare” me to.
And while I’m at it, is it really that important for you to know how many Christians, proud Americans, or lion tamers there are on Facebook? Is it really that important for you to identify with a group and receive some kind of validation from its size?
Please, PLEASE, start playing Farmville again, and leave the social advocacy to those who can think for themselves.